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| Waterpolo (Or Unarmed Aquatic Combat) This game can be easily explained by subdividing the phrase "Water Polo" into it's two constituent parts: "Water" and "Polo"
Water is a noun describing what happens when one Oxygen atom and two hydrogen atoms decide that it would be nice to get together and hang out. In large groups, this is called a "glass of water" and in really huge groups this is called "The Pacific Ocean" and in really really huge groups this is what my mother calls "Getting water all over the kitchen floor!!" (referring to 10 drops or more). Somewhere in between these is what Waterpolo players refer to as a "pool."
Polo is a game in which people ride about on horses trying to hit a ball towards a goal with a long stick, instead of getting down off their high horses and kicking the ball like normal people do. Waterpolo then is a sport played on horses with very long sticks and floating balls in a pool, which is very fun to watch, even if it is a bit hard on the horses…or so one would think.
Actually Waterpolo, called that for no reason I can understand, is a bit like a cross between football and basketball, with a healthy dose of unarmed aquatic combat.
If you're ever called to play Water Polo, here are some things to remember:
The play:
The play of the game is very simple in principal. Like most games, Water Polo's goal is to get a round inflated ball from your end of the court, or pool, into the goal, about half the size of a football goal, which is attached to the side of the pool. There are two sides and they wear Speedo's and funny caps to hold their hair out of their faces and give them cauliflower ear. (I have heard that this is also to protect people from a fatal blow to the temple experienced by water polo players in the past, but having never seen this happen myself, I have my doubts.) This is the only uniform required, as the player is generally submersed to his/her neck for the majority of the game, although many players do make use of other protective gear such as mouth and abdominal guards which can prevent injury incase of any "accidental" kicks or punches.
Score is advanced by 1's and usually doesn't exceed ten (except when we are playing on a Sunday morning after a night out in Loughborough...but thats another story). The ball may be passed about, though handled only with one hand, except for the goalie who can handle balls with two hands...No punn intended.
Being in Shape:
The tricky thing about Waterpolo is that it's different in one significant way from almost all other sports (Except swimming). In Football, Tennis, Rugby and Hockey, you're required to exert physical efforts that tire you and cause you to pause occasionally. This happens when someone scores, or there's a foul or someone decides it's time to yell at the officials. While other things are going on, you can rest in most sports, just stop and relax for 30 seconds while your body breathes without a great deal of fear that the ground will swallow you up and kill you. 12 foot deep pools(if you have one), on the other hand, tend to do that if you don't keep kicking at them incessantly, so Waterpolo players developed a special "treading water" or eggbeater system that helps to keep them afloat, but means, in essence, that there is no rest for the weary in waterpolo. "Oh come on," you say "How hard could it be?" Try it. Go into a pool, and stay in the deep end, just sitting still treading water for 10 minutes. Now do it with your hands over your head (This is required for you to be able to pass the ball around to your teammates). Now do it while one of your friends tries to plunge you under the water in order to get the ball from you. Then come back the next day after a fines session and night on the town with your teammates and, sporting a "hang-over from hell"...do it all again. Now you have an idea of what the Waterpolo player's life is like for the 1-2 hours required to play a game.
Needless to say, Waterpolo is one of the more demanding team sports in the world today.
Penalties and Fouls:
Fouls, in Waterpolo, are of two kinds.
1. Fouls that will get you kicked out of the game:
Getting kicked out of the game requires several well placed blows to the head of the opponent in full view of the referee, firing an unlicensed firearm above the water, or calling the referee's mother a cheap whore, and producing a receipt of proof from the recesses of your swim-suit.(But we'd never do that tho would we Daniel?!)
2. Fouls that cause the other side to get the ball:
These include hitting (Sorry Matt but breaking peoples teeth and poking peoples eyes out is, in spite of what you might think a foulable offence), dunking the ball underwater while someone else has their hands on it, visibly pushing off, reaching over someone's head to get the ball, and calling the referee's mother a cheap whore without being able to produce evidence. Occasionally one of these will also give the other team a shot on the goalie from 5 meters without anyone else splashing or kicking them in the groin, which is considered a privilege.
These fouls, however, are called only when the referee, who stands above the water, can see a foul, which usually happens below the water, through the ever-present whitewater which is caused deliberately to prevent the referee from making such calls. The result is that Waterpolo players may hit, scratch, kick tear, pull, push, leg-lock, Speedo yank, toe pinch, and kidney jab all they like, because, unlike most contact sports, there's no way to tell and like my dad used to say...it's only a crime if you get caught.
There are also fun rules like "Motion of Swimming" rules. The rule goes something like this: A player is, in no way, to obstruct another player from the basic act of swimming. Any injury or foul resulting from the obstruction of swimming is the fault of the player in the way, and results in no foul being called.
Now picture this. You're swimming along. Go ahead and do it with me. Swim along where you are in a nice freestyle fashion one arm at a time, head down and arms loose. This is how you swim. Now ball your fists like you're really angry and do freestyle with jerky forward punches and keep your head up so you can see what you're aiming at. This is how water polo players swim...because if you happen to stroke a punch at their face...and they're in your way...and "honestly ref, I was just trying to swim"...hey...no foul!
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